We are home.

Yes, our couple of days away in Detroit for our Armenian folk/world music concert seem like a whirlwind now…but oh, they were so special.  What a privilege to meet the community in Detroit, work with them and perform for them in concert!

This weekend’s show was such a special concert.  And one reason for this would have to be that the presenters were some of the most gracious people I have ever met.   I am still so moved by their hospitality and kindness and organization.

The concert was planned so carefully, from start to finish - with every detail being attended to by the meticulous group of presenters.  Salpi Toroyan, David Dardarian, John Yavruian, Anahit Toumajan… these were the main contact people that we got to know, but I know that there were many others, working hard to ensure that our show was a success in every way.  Thank you to each one of you with all my heart.   It was such a joy to meet you all, and to get to know you better.  You were so kind to us, so genuine, and so fun to work with!  And so relaxed too!!  Always a bonus!

Father Garabed and Yeretsgin were a delight as well and I loved spending time with them and having a tour of St. John Armenian Church - what an absolutely beautiful place…  Father Garabed, who also holds a degree in Art History gave us a thorough explanation of the architecture of the church and we were in awe.   The church, which is modelled after Zvartnots in Armenia, is stunning…  On Sunday, we attended the church service, and were completely mesmerized by the choir… truly other-worldly to hear the acoustics in the church…and Rubik Mailian, the extremely talented choir director, did an amazing job singing and leading the wonderful choir.

Having my husband with me all weekend was also an extra special part of this show.  There were so many details that I didn’t even have to worry about because he took care of everything… ah, I am very grateful to have such a caring, able, fun life partner!

My band - Chris Rosser, Eliot Wadopian and River Guerguerian, were as always, amazing…  each time we work together, the sound and arrangements only grow richer.  I love listening to their solos…  I get transported each time.  Thank you, guys!!  You are the best!

And we had a very special (there is that word again!) treat at this particular show!  Our dear friends, Sarkis and Seta Chorbadjian just happened to be in Detroit for the weekend and Sarkis is a gifted musician who plays every instrument you can think of.    One of those instruments is the duduk… oh, yes!  So he joined us on stage for Dle Yaman… we were all blown away by the beauty of his playing…  such a haunting sound… thank you, Sarkis!

And thank you, Detroit… I just loved meeting so many of you after the show… thank you for sharing your stories with me… your stories about your mothers and fathers and grandmothers and grandfathers… stories of other survivors of the Armenian Genocide…I was deeply moved by each account.

You were a super audience.  I loved your energy and your passion!

We can’t wait to see you all again soon…

We are here in Detroit, Michigan… just missing the severe weather systems, and waking up this morning to beautiful sunshine!  Thank you, Lord!  It is quite glorious here…

We had a great flight over and were welcomed by one beautiful airport - wow!  Stunning, especially that colourful tunnel guiding us to our luggage… my Little One was mesmerized by all the colours, and like a good tourist, I just had to ask my husband to take a photo… or two.

Salpi Toroyan, one of the wonderful organizers of this concert, met us at the airport.  What a gracious, kind man!  He is so hospitable, caring and conscientious, making sure we have everything we need, wanting to see it that we are comfortable and happy.  I am deeply moved by his kindness.  He has been the main contact person for us, and we are so thankful to him and to the entire organizing committee at St. Johns Armenian Church for everthing they have done thus far!  We can’t wait to meet the rest of the community here!

The guys are on the road today; they will arrive, Lord willing, this evening and we’ll head out for some dinner together.  So many amazing restaurants to choose from, especially Middle Eastern ones that we have noticed while driving around a bit - I will let my husband take care of finding a place for us to eat…

I have added a video in the post below of us rehearsing  for our show… Enjoy!

Every time I sing this song it brings tears to my eyes…

It doesn’t matter where I am… at home, in rehearsal, in the car or on stage, when I sing this song, I begin to weep…

I love this song.

I remember when I first heard it on an old recording that my mom had.  And I loved the words so much, so I asked her to teach it to me.  And my mom began to sing while I listened at her feet.

I could see that this song held much emotion for her.  She had tears in her eyes as she sang, and I knew that there was an important story behind this old Armenian folk song.

In this song, the bride-to-be is thanking her mother for all the care, guidance, and love she has showered upon her daughter.  And at the end of the song, she is asking her mother for a blessing before she leaves home to be married…  my grandmother used to sing Hars Em Knoom before she was married, my mom tells me… and my mom sang this folk song before she was married, getting ready to leave home to come to Canada.  But her mom, my grandmother had already passed away.  She remembers my grandfather disliking this song very much…”He always wanted me to stop singing it; he didn’t want to lose me like he had lost his wife…”  But my mom had to sing… she had to find a way to give voice to all the mixed emotions she was feeling as she prepared to leave the home she loved to move to a foreign land, as she prepared to begin a new life with her beloved, as she longed to share these joys, these times with her own mother…

As I sat at her feet and listened to her speak, I realized that it was now my turn to sing this song:  here I was on the verge of getting married and moving to a new country… another generation of the women in our family using an old folk song to tell our story…

I love my mom so much.  Her passion for life inspires me.  Her faith moves me deeply.  I love her laughter; I love her voice; I love her emotions.  And I love her singing.

This song speaks my heart so clearly…  “You loved me, you cared for me; The sea has taken all that you have sacrificed for me, dear Mother, and has given it to my beloved.”

Indeed. My mom has sacrificed much for us.  And she has done this with grace and selflessness, never trying to seek attention for herself.  I remember her glowing at my wedding, knowing full well that she was exhausted from all the preparations she had done… oh, but she simply shone.   And I also knew that her heart was full - full of joy and pain.  The joy of seeing me with my beloved… the pain of knowing that I would be leaving to go far, far away for the time being…

And from the look in her eyes, I knew that she was also remembering when she had sung this song before her wedding, before she had to move away… and at that moment, like with every song that she has taught me, she was remembering my grandmother…

All I had to do was look in her eyes.

I am going to be married

I will be leaving home

I am a 17 year old bride to be, my dear Mother

And I will be with my beloved.

May your blessing, my dear Mother

remain on me forever…

We are really excited to announce that I will be performing with my extraordinary band Free Planet Radio in Southfield, MI on Saturday, June 27th at the beautiful St. John Armenian Church. This show is going to be amazing!

The sponsors are so thrilled to have us come and we love that kind of enthusiasm…  everywhere we go, we make new friends with the presenters, the media, and of course, the audience.   I love this part of the journey… traveling to new places and meeting wonderful people that I otherwise might never have met…

My mom has told me so much about the close knit Armenian community in Detroit over the years… she greatly respects the work that they have done to preserve our cultural heritage and has told me about this community with much admiration and pride - about the churches there, the cultural events they have organized, the Armenian schools there (Alex Mangoogian lived in Detroit and contributed greatly, as have many others, to the Armenian General Benevolent Union, to Armenian schools, and to the building of St. John Armenian Church).  It often feels like my mom is just as excited as I am about my performing in this city, which has one of the oldest Armenian communities in the United States.

We had an amazing rehearsal with the guys last week…  going through each song…Hayastan… Gakavig… Khntsori zarin dag… all our favourites… and adding new twists and turns to the arrangements…  we are having fun!

Here are the details for the show:

Date:  Saturday, June 27th

Time: 7:00pm - 10:00pm

Place:  St. Johns Armenian Church

Contact: Anahit Toumajan @ 248-357-2234

Email:  haro@ mariammatossian.com

We are looking forward to this!

I love everything about the recording studio… I love the location - the breathtaking scenery all around us; I love the aroma - being inside that room, the smell of guitars and other instruments in the air; I love the feel - the creativity that is produced in that room, and I love the memories…

I remember the first time I met with my producer for an actual session…  we did the preliminary recording for that first Armenian folk song, and I loved singing in the studio that day… I felt carefree and joyful.  And this despite the fact that I was going through an intense period in my life: a time when I felt defeated, doubtful, exhausted, and sometimes, very confused…but in the studio, something changed…

I remember taking home the track and listening to myself… I was so nervous as I prepared to turn the CD player on…  what was I going to sound like?  It was one thing to feel carefree while singing, but how was I going to sound recorded?  I hesitated, and then began to listen…

That same freedom and bliss that I was experiencing while singing had come through… at least for my ears… I could hear it in my voice.   Yes, I could hear imperfections; I always do…  I am my biggest critic when it comes to my music… but I was able to hear something beyond the notes and phrasing… Something had changed from the way I used to sing in the past, something had been stripped… I could hear more vulnerability, more emotion… and I could hear a new strength coming through… I could hear a girl who was dancing again… I was dancing again… I wept and wept as I listened to that song, tears overflowing…  we had come a long way…

My journey recording began while I was in the middle of a very painful time in my life, and that pain brought with it a new strength, a new joy…something I never expected would happen.  There were days when I had felt utterly hopeless…  but I had continued to hang on to my faith, or really, my Father had continued to hang on to me…

And I remember being absolutely thrilled as I listened to that track because I realized that I was healing…  I was getting stronger…  I could hear it in my voice.   There was hope.

I love that day…  the rush of emotions,  the joy of realizing that I was coming out of the storm…

Yesterday, I was back in the recording studio again…  there was that same excitement of beginning a new project, and an even deeper level of joy… the hope remains… in fact, it has only grown stronger since that first day in the studio…

We have been singing for a couple of days now…

I am at home, enjoying the beautiful fresh spring air, and the beach, of course, and focussing on songs, songs and more songs…  we will be starting a new musical project in the near future, and I am collecting old folk songs and getting ready to write new ones… I have come home for this… this process has always been a collaboration with my mom…  I laugh and call her the executive producer of all my musical projects!  She is, too.  She is the supporter, encourager, and friend to me during this time of research.  And what is more, she is the one that I rely on to help me find the gems that we end up using.

My mom has an amazing memory… everyone who knows her knows that.  And she has a beautiful voice.   She has also hung on to her old, tattered song books that she brought with her from Aleppo when she moved to Canada.   And I have my song books, and songs books that others have let us borrow or have given to us as gifts…  one way that we discover songs is we go through each book, and mom sings song after song to me… until we stop at one that we like… and then we talk about it, the text, the music, when she learned it,  the story behind it…  and that song just might make our short list.  It is a beautiful process… I love sitting at her feet and listening to her sing and listening to her stories…  Armenian folk song after Armenian folk song…  sometimes, a song just comes to her… and she sings it to me, and I instantly fall in love with it, and we have to look it up in one of her books…  when she was visiting us, my husband watched this process and was amazed at mom’s ability to sing every single song in one of the song books… “She is incredible!”  he’d say… and yes, I agree fully.

She is incredible.  Her mother taught her to sing.  She has taught me to sing.  And now, as my Little One sits at our feet and watches me and mom make music, I am hopefully teaching my daughter to love music too.

We saw the ocean…  the mountains…

I am back in my favourite city… yes, I love the city where I now live… oh, but I cannot get away from the hold that the city that I was born in, raised in, lived in most of my life, has on me…  I love it here.

I hadn’t thought about getting a window seat on the airplane… but the kind lady at the check-in counter asked me if I wanted to change seats…  at first I said, no that’s fine, the aisle seat is easier for me and my little one.  Then I remembered that I was heading home…  I remembered that my favourite view is that of landing in Vancouver… it is stunning.  The islands… the mountains… the water… you get to see it all from above… and it is glorious, especially on a beautiful day…

So we got our window seats.   And as we began our descent, I pointed out all the beauty of our Creator to my Little One…  she was wide eyed… this is a view she is not used to.  I get goose bumps each time we approach the city, each time I see the breathtaking natural wonders…  I even get tears in my eyes… and I did this time too…  there I was looking intently at the scenery, tears flowing down my cheeks, my Little One giggling as I hang on tightly to her… 

We are heading home…

Artisphere was absolutely glorious…

The weather was beautiful, all the more so because our performance was scheduled for the early evening, when there was a cool breeze in the air, and we weren’t subject to the scorching heat!   That was a blessing…  and we were thankful for it.

The audience was amazing, as always.  I’d have to say, it is so much fun to sing outdoors at festivals.  While I love doing formal shows, I really enjoy the freedom of a festival… people feel free to dance, move about, clap, sing a long… you can sense that they are uninhibited, more so than in a theatre, where there is an expectation to sit still.  But I ask my audience members not to sit still!  I want them to dance and clap!  I want them to feel energized…

I remember doing a concert a year ago and the entire crowd was wonderful, so passionate, but there were some in the front rows who were sitting so still in their seats… and I could see them ever so clearly.  You could tell they wanted to move about, even just a bit, or clap their hands to the playful folk songs… but they wouldn’t budge… at first, this caught me off guard, and I thought, oh no, am I not doing a good enough job for them?  Are they not pleased with the show?  It is funny how we automatically question ourselves… and there I am, singing and having a conversation with myself at the same time!  In those moments, I ask God to help me refocus… and He always does guide me back, instantly…  and I am totally immersed in the music once again…

After that particular show, many of those people sitting in those first few rows (I could recognize them!) came up to me and told me how much they loved the concert… and they had tears in their eyes… you could tell they were being genuine… and here I had thought for a moment that perhaps they weren’t enjoying the show… and of course, I realized that we are all still concerned with what others might think of us… that perhaps these audience members, being up at the front, were a little self conscious about others watching them and being seen as too emotional or something…

Oh, but in an outdoor festival, usually, not always, people don’t seem to care as much what others might think…  and that was the case at Artisphere…we had folks swaying and dancing and clapping and singing to the Armenian folk music…

I remember while on stage, seeing my two good friends, Jake and Hilary come by with their 3 children… two of whom they just adopted from Ethiopia…!  Oh, what joy to see the children for the first time!!  We have been praying for the family for many, many months now as the process of adopting the children has been such an emotional journey… and now, to see the family all together was such a thrilling moment for me…from the stage no less!  I tried not to get distracted and resumed singing with a big smile on my face.

There were many friends who had come by and many people I did not know and had the pleasure of getting to know after the show.

One moment that I will forever treasure is when my husband brought our little one up close to the stage and she looked at me and giggled and smiled and got so excited!   I love it.

Drove to Asheville yesterday for rehearsals with the amazing guys from freeplanetradio.  As we begin to play my songs, I am once again captivated by it all… I stop and reflect for a moment during Chris Rosser’s gorgeous cumbus solo - “how did I meet these guys, again?!”

Honestly, this has all been so Providential.   A musician friend’s recommendation, a myspace link to River Guerguerian, percussionist extraordinaire, an email, a phone call… and we drive up to meet River and Chris and Eliot Wadopian, grammy award winning bass player… and we  discover a mutual passion for good music, good food, family and of course, laughter…

I remember driving home from that first meeting, and my husband just looked at me with wide eyes… so what did you think?  He asked… and I just smiled… we both knew that God had orchestrated a very beautiful meeting for us with 3 amazing musicians who, on top of it, were really fun, down to earth people, too.

Listening to the music come alive yesterday during our rehearsal reminded me of all that once again…

We are in the midst of preparing for Saturday’s show at Artisphere in Greenville, SC.  And we are excited.  I love outdoor festivals… the atmosphere is so relaxed, and some of my favourite shows that I have done have been ones at festivals… dancing audience members freely swaying to the music…

Arev, Arev, Gakavig, Patsvaz Vart… we went through all our favourites.

It is going to be a fun night on Saturday!