O my Soul

My mind is full.  It feels completely full.  If one has information to pass on to me, this will have to wait because for now, my mind is full.

I am processing.

One after another, friends, women, sisters have shared with me their pain…  when will this end?  How many times?

The losses.  So many.  Too many.

My mind is full.

I feel weak admitting this.  I should be stronger.  But each loss, each one, leaves an indelible mark on my soul…  I feel each one.  I can’t just hear about this pain, empathize for a second or two and then dismiss the thought…  no, for me, it remains.

For me, it lingers.

It lingers and joins alongside my own loss.

Why are you downcast, O my Soul?  I ask myself.  I use those sacred words to address my own soul.

I am thirsty.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I long to be embraced by His comforting arms, those hands that have been pierced.  He knows pain.  He knows loss.  Full well.

When can I go and meet with God?

He is asking me to stay right here for now.  I would like to escape for a brief time.  I would like the pain to lift so that I can carry on with the business of life.  But He is asking me to remain.  To worship right here, in this valley.  Right alongside Him. There is no high right now.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls all your waves and breakers have swept over me

Father God loves the ocean too…and with the rush of the waves, He refreshes my soul…

At night His song is with me

In the evening, in the stillness of night, when a blanket covers this household and I struggle to sleep, He is singing over me…  this is too wonderful to imagine.

for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour...

What else can I do?

(psalm 42)

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